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 Boisterous
Love Jokes 4U
Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship"
poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever
is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got
laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about
it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible
stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from
me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your
clumsy ass
|
A woman accompanied her husband to the
doctor's office. After his checkup,the doctor
called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering
from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't
do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning,
fix him a healthy breakfast. Try to be pleasant in general, and make sure
he stays in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner
prepare something nice and healthy again. Don't burden him with chores,
as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it
will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your
husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. "If you can
do this for the next 1 to 2 months, I think your husband will regain his
health completely. On the way home, the
husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're
going to die," she replied. |
Love, Lust and Marriage :
Love: When you take a bubble bath together
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath |
"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's
uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest
day of your life."
"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow,"
protested his nephew.
"I know," replied the uncle. "That's
exactly what I mean."
|
| Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited
about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the
wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you
sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis,
jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol,
antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register
here for our wedding gifts, please.'
|
Kids on the Subject of Love :
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he
showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)<BR>
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the
best of you." (Doug, 7)
"It might help to watch soap operas all day."
(Carin, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you...That's
why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom,
7)
"Don't forget your wife's name...That will
mess up the love." (Roger, 8)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife
forget that you never take out the garbage." (Randy, 8)
|
| After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I
just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What
do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package
and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled
"The Meaning of Dreams."
|
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their
local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when
he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops
in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.
His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful
and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies, "Yeah, well we were
married 35 years."
|
| Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband
1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry
applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs
such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning
2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,
but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
|
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's
office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into
his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very
severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully,
your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner
prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss
your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag
him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
"If you can do this for the next 10 months
to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What
did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
|
| One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New
York City Police Precinct to report that his American girlfriend was planning
to kill him.
The police officer on duty was intrigued by this,
and he asked, "How sure are you that she is gonna kill you? Did she
threaten to kill you?"
"No," replied the nervous immigrant.
"Did you hear her tell someone else that she's
gonna kill you?"
"No."
"Did someone tell you that your girlfriend
is gonna kill you?"
"No."
"Then why did you think she's gonna kill you?"
asked the exasperated police officer.
"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think
she gonna poison me!" He handed the police officer the suspect bottle.
The police officer took one look at the label on
the bottle and started to laugh out loud.
The immigrant became indignant and said, "What
so funny? Can't you see the label on bottle said 'Polish Remover'?"
|
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached
the pastor with an unusual offer:
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change
the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise
to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate
it if you'd just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away
satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's
vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before
her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every
morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife
that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both
shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in
a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed:
"I thought we had a deal."
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand
and whispered: "She made me a better offer." |
| A guy walks into a post office one day to see a
middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love"
stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes
out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes
up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm
sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But
why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
|
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin
with.
If it just sits in your living room and messes
up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and
never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place -- you
either married it or gave birth to it!
|
| A young private sought permission from his Commanding
Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained,
"my wife's expecting."
"Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand.
Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."
The following week the same soldier was back again
with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting."
The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?"
he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course
you can have the week-end off."
When the same soldier appeared again the third
week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife
is still expecting!" he bellowed.
"Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely,
"She's still expecting."
"What in heaven is she expecting?" cried
the Officer.
"Me." said the soldier simply.
|
Two friends are discussing the possibility of love.
"I thought I was in love three times," one friend says.
"How so?" his friend asks.
"Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman
who wanted nothing to do with me."
"Was that not love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was obsession.
And then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't
understand me."
"Was that not love?"
"No," he replies. "That was lust.
And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean.
She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere I
followed her on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit
of my stomach."
"Was that not love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was motion
sickness."
|
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new
auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like
car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have
settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was
way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said. "I want something
that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming
up. You could surprise me."
So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new
bathroom scale.
Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday
the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket
service. Please send your donations to the "Think Before You Say
Things To Your Wife Foundation," Dallas, Texas.
|
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of
them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives,
while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the
third and says,
"Well, what about you, what sort of control
do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just
the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened
then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and
fight like a man'."
|
Since a very long time ago, people have searched
for the meaning of love. But even the great philosophers, with their profound
definitions, could not fully touch its true essence. In a survey of 4-8
year olds, kids share their views on love. But what do little kids know
about love? Read on and be
surprised that despite their young and innocent minds, kids already have
a simple but deep grasp of that four-letter word.
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a
boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody
most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get
so mad but you don't yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings."
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my
daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste
is OK."
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his
shirt, then he wears it everyday."
"Love is if you hold hands and sit beside
each other in the cafeteria. That means you're in love. Otherwise, you
can sit across from each other and be okay."
"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and
sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redbird."
"I know my older sister loves me because she
gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go
up and down and little stars come out of you."
"You can break love, but it won't die."
Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th
wedding anniversary. Sam says to her, "Becky, I was wondering
- have you ever cheated on me?"
Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you
ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Becky, I really want to know.
Please..."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."
"Three? Well, when were they?"
he asked.
"Well, Sam, remember when you were 35
years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own
and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank
president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers,
no questions asked?"
"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect
you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was
number 2?"
"Well, Sam, remember when you had that
last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation,
and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came
all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were
in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Becky, you should
do such a thing for me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more
wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling.
I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?"
"Well, Sam, remember a few years ago,
when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you
were 17 votes short..?" |
|
HOW TO DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN LOVE, LUST AND MARRIAGE...
LOVE when your eyes meet across a crowded room
LUST when your tongues meet across a crowded room
MARRIAGE when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care
LOVE when intercourse is called making love
LUST all other times
MARRIAGE what's intercourse?
LOVE when you argue over how many children to have
LUST When you argue over who gets the wet spot
MARRIAGE when you argue over money
LOVE when you share everything you own
LUST when you think twice about giving your partner bus money
MARRIAGE when the bank owns everything
LOVE when it doesn't matter if you don't climax
LUST when the relationship is over if you don't climax
MARRIAGE what's a climax?
LOVE when you phone each other just to say "Hi"
LUST when you phone each other just to organize sex
MARRIAGE when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game
starts
LOVE when you write poems about your partner
LUST when all you write is your phone number
MARRIAGE when all you write are check's
LOVE when you show concern for your partners' feelings
LUST when you couldn't give a rip
MARRIAGE when your only concern is what's on TV
LOVE when your farewell is "I love you darling"
LUST when your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
MARRIAGE when your farewell is silent
LOVE when you are proud to be seen in public with
your partner
LUST when you only ever see each other in the bedroom
MARRIAGE when you never see each other awake
LOVE when your heart flutters every time you see
them
LUST when your groin twitches every time you see them
MARRIAGE when your wallet empties every time you see them
LOVE when nobody else matters
LUST when nobody else knows
MARRIAGE when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows
LOVE when all the songs on the radio describe exactly
how you feel
LUST when it's just the same mushy old crap
MARRIAGE when you never listen to music
LOVE when breaking up is something you try not
to think about
LUST when staying together is something you try not to think about
MARRIAGE when just getting through today is your only thought
LOVE when you're interested in everything your
partner does
LUST when you're only interested in one thing
MARRIAGE when you're not interested in what your partner does and the
one thing you're interested in is your golf score
|
"What does love mean?"
These are answers from 4 to 8 year olds.
When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend
over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now
all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
Rebecca - age 8
When someone loves you, the way they say your name
is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths.
Billy - age 4
Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts
on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
Kari - age 5
Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody
most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.
Chrissy - age 6
Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
Terri - age 4
Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy
and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is
OK.
Danny - age 7
Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you
get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My mommy and my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.
Emily - age 8
Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas
if you stop opening presents and listen.
Bobby - age 7
If you want to learn to love better, you should
start with a friend who you hate.
Nikki - age 6
Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt,
then he wears it every day.
Noelle - age 7
Love is like a little old woman and a little old
man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.
Tommy - age 6
During my piano recital, I was on stage and I was
scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving
and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.
Cindy - age 8
My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't
see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.
Clare - age 6
Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of
chicken.
Elaine - age 5
Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty
and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
Chris - age 7
Love is when your puppy licks your face even after
you left him alone all day.
Mary Ann - age 4
When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and
down and little stars come out of you.
Karen - age 7
You really shouldn't say "I LOVE YOU"
unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People
forget.
Jessica - age 8
And the winner was a 4 year old child whose next
door neighbor was an elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the
child saw the man cry, the little boy went over into the man's yard and
climbed on top of the man's lap and just sat there. When the boy's mother
asked him what he'd said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing,
I just helped him cry."
A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror
pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a
stop, a police officer approaches the car.
The man says, "What’s the problem
officer?"
Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour
in a 55 mile an hour zone. I’m afraid I’m going to have
to ticket you.
Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least
80!
[The man gives wife dirty look.]
Officer: I’m also going to give you
a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn’t know
about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about
that tail light for weeks!
[The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]
Officer: I’m also going to give you
a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were
walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat
belt!
The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For
cryin’ out loud, can’t you just shut up?!"
The officer turns to the woman and asks,
"Ma’am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the
time?"
Wife says, "No officer, Only when he’s
drunk." |
|
The new short Titanic Script (Scene
1) KATE WINSLET: My, this is a fancy boat, isn't
it? KATE'S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes, it certainly is. Here is the art you asked
for. It is by
an artist named "Picasso." I am certain he will amount to nothing.
KATE: Ha ha
ha. That is very funny to our 90's audience, because they know these priceless
paintings
will sink with the boat. LEONARDO DiCAPRIO: Hello, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio.
Perhaps you have
seen the many Internet sites dedicated to the worship of me. You are very
pretty. KATE:
Thank you. So are you. LEONARDO: I know. Prettier than you, in fact. I am
going to put on
my "brooding" face now, to ensure that women will keep coming
back again and
again to see this movie. Later, my white shirt will be soaking wet. Women
will find this
very attractive, even though I have the body of a 12 year old. KATE: While
you're doing
that, I will concentrate on standing here and looking pretty, to keep the
men in the
audience interested until the boat sinks and people start dying. WEASELLY
FIANCE: Excuse
me. I do not like you, Leonardo, even though you saved my fiance's life.
I am going to
sneer at you and treat you like dirt because you're poor, and then I'll
probably be
physically abusive to my fiance, and then, just to make sure the audience
really hates me,
and to make sure my character is entirely one-dimensional, perhaps I'll
throw a small
child into the water. AUDIENCE: Boo! We hate you! Even though all real people
have at
least a few admirable qualities, we have not been shown any of yours, and
plus, you're
trying to come between Leonardo and Kate, and so therefore we hate you!
Boo! (Even though
technically it is Leonardo who is coming between you and Kate. But Leonardo
is handsomer
than you, even though he is only 12, so we are on his side. Boo!) (Scene
2) LEONARDO: I'm
glad we snuck away like this so that you could cheat on your fiance. KATE:
So am I. Even
though I am engaged to him and have made a commitment to marry him, that
is no reason why
you and I cannot climb into the back seat of a car (probably his) and steam
up the windows
together. The fact that I am the heroine of the movie will no doubt help
the cattle-like
audience forgive me of this, though they would probably be VERY angry indeed
if my fiance
were to do the same thing to me. AUDIENCE: Damn straight we would ! Moo!
We mean, Boo!
LEONARDO: I agree. First, I would like to draw you, though, so of course
you have to take
off all your clothes. KATE: But can a movie with five minutes of continuous
nudity be at
all successful in say, Provo, Utah, where the audiences might not stand
for that sort of
thing? LEONARDO: I would be willing to bet that for the first three weeks
the film is in
release, every single showing at the Wynnsong Theater in Provo will sell
out. NARRATOR:
According to Wynnsong manager Matt Palmer, that is exactly what happened.
KATE: All right,
then. (sound of clothes hitting the floor) (Scene 3) FIRST MATE: Captain,
we're about to
hit an iceberg! CAPTAIN: Great, I could use some ice for my drink. (sound
of drinking)
ICEBERG: (hits boat) FIRST MATE: That can't be good. CAPTAIN: Bottoms up!
AUDIENCE: Huh?
FIRST MATE: That was irony, you fools. AUDIENCE: Baa! Moo! Where's Leonardo?
(Scene 4)
LEONARDO: I have been informed that this boat is sinking. KATE: That is
terrible. And I am
the only passenger that has noticed that there are not enough lifeboats!
Everybody else
took New Math in school. LEONARDO: Would you like to engage in some more
immoral-but-justified-because-we're-pretty behavior? KATE: Certainly. (kisses
him)
WEASELLY FIANCE: I'm getting the raw end of the deal here: (to Leonardo)
Listen, Leonardo,
to cement my morally-dubious-yet-somehow-less-annoying-than-you personality,
I am going to
falsely accuse you of a crime, then handcuff you to this pipe here in a
room that will
soon be filling with water, due to the fact that we are sinking, which I
believe has been
mentioned previously. LEONARDO: Why don't you just shoot me? WEASELLY FIANCE:
Because then
you wouldn't be able to escape and save Kate from me. Also, all of the women
in the
audience would get up and leave. Of course, you're going to die anyway.
AUDIENCE: Don't
spoil it for us! Booooooo!! LEONARDO: He's right, though. I am doomed. It's
in the script.
AUDIENCE: Aww, look how cute he is when he's doomed! WEASELLY FIANCE: I
really hate you
people. (Scene 5) 150-YEAR-OLD-KATE: And that's when Leonardo rescued me
from my evil
fiance and helped me float on a board in the water. Of course, if it hadn't
been for
having to rescue HIM, I could have gotten on an actual lifeboat to begin
with, and not
nearly frozen my butt off. Anyway, he's pretty much dead now, and I'm well
over a thousand
years old, and who's making my supper? I need another Depends. Turn down
that Enya music,
it's making my ears hurt. You kids today, with your loud music. Why, in
my day - hey!
Don't you walk away from me, Mr. Snooty-Patootie Oceanologist! I'd turn
you over my knee,
if I could bend it. I'll beat you in the head with this huge extremely rare
blue diamond!
Hey, come back here! (FADE TO BLACK; roll credits; play annoying Celine
Dion song again.)
THE END |
A small piece of sodium which lived in a test
tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see
you . . .", the sodium pined.
"It's just a phase you're going through",
replied the Bunsen burner. |
A man and woman got divorced after about three years.
The woman decided to find another
man. She went out and dated several men, but could not find one who satsifed
her in bed.
So she decided to try a woman. She went to different places and bars trying
to find
someone. Then she met this woman They talked and hit it off ok. So they
went home and went
to bed together. After they had finished having sex the woman said you know
that wasn't
all that good. At this point the other woman rolled over and said "That's
OK, sugar. You
weren't any better when we were married." |
| Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about.
You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit
to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn
for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever
happy - will you let me be yours?
Gloria
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about
you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit
to being
useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For
you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever
happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Gloria
|
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out
of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single
day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,
"My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When
I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you
were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house,
you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still
by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling
as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
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A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.
She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe
there's a Hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll
show him how wrong he is." |
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a
middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love"
stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes
out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes
up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm
sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But
why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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